Monday, 22 March 2010

Festival of Frogspawn

Dear fellow Beaker Folk and other readers

I'm afraid the Archdruid is still having a bit of a lay-down this morning after the shock of discovering she'd been wearing a cloak made from a skinned badger all day yesterday. The anthrax tests were negative, I'm pleased to say - but we're still waiting on the TB results.

We are struggling this morning with Hnaef's absence (he's on an archery residential for people with no thumbs) and Drayton's unfortunate incarceration in the Gulfing Room. Therefore the lot has fallen on me to prepare the liturgy of the Festival of Frogspawn, to celebrate this new and exciting sign of spring breaking out all over.

Now some say that accountants are dull people, unable to produce creative and inspiring liturgy. But I hope this Ceremony will still those doubts. alt.worship, a respect for nature and double-entry precision can co-exist.

The Festival of Frogspawn

Liturgical Dress - quiet, sober business suits

The procession to the Pond - Beaker People will walk precisely 2 seconds apart as timed by Burton's watch.

Leader: Oh look! There's a bit of frogspawn
All: And another bit!

Leader: That makes two bits of frogspawn!
All: Oh, no - look -another bit!

Leader: Making three in all.
All: Look, it's a bit cold....

Leader: Hey! Here's a fourth bit!
All: You know, it's lovely and sunny but it is a bit parky stil...

Leader: Five bits! There's a bit over here!
All: So we're just...

Leader: Maybe there's some round the island. I'll just get the punt...
All: We're a bit bored with frogspawn now. Is it OK if we...

The Leader jumps into the punt. In relief, the assembled Beaker Folk confiscate the pole, push the punt out into the middle of the pond and leave him to it.

Young Keith: That's it! I'm off to get some breakfast
All: And we're all with you.

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