Friday, 21 September 2012

Not the Equinox Sermon

I think it was the Duke of Wellington - or possibly it was the philosopher Spinoza - who famously told us that "stuff happens."

Not all things in life are fun. Not all things that are planned go to plan. As the poet Balmford told us:

"So 'tis with Christians, Nature being weak
While in this world are liable to leak."

And so we find ourselves standing in this blessed corner of the Manshead Hundred, nestled between the rolling acres of Woburn Abbey and the rolling roadworks of England's most dug-up motorway junction.

We have festooned ourselves with strings of conkers: woven wreaths of ivy and chamomile and made little hats out of those large, flat mushrooms that grow in Creepy Copse. And we are here to mourn, in the words of Isaiah:

"The summer is ended, and we are not saved."

And it's only now - now that we've got our "sad" faces on, and we've sung "Summer is y-going out" - that we discover the Autumnal Equinox isn't until tomorrow.

It would be easy to blame Hnaef. But what I say is, why look a gift horse in the mouth, when you can get it off to the knacker's yard, butchered and then sell it as "authentic Beaker auroch-style burgers" at 3 knicker a throw?

It was Hnaef who upgraded his iPhone to IOS6 yesterday. His "Seasonal Astronomical Festivals" alarm then went off a day early, thus causing us all to be stood here now surrounded by.all the gloom of this still-late-Summer day. It has also informed him that Milton Keynes is in Texas, decided the word for today is "chelate", played a load of Buck's Fizz hits at him instead of his regular alarm and in trying to get him to George St, Luton, instead left him, confused, in a cul-de-sac on the Moon.

And I trusted Hnaef. I said, when Burton first raised the possibility of this being the wrong day, that if it wasn't the Autumn Equinox I would eat my hat. But while some trust in horses, and others in Apple, Burton will trust in an enormous astronomical table. Which turns out to be right.

And so I am going to finish this not-Autumn-Equinox sermon by saying - Rejoice, for it's earlier than you think! Gather ye rosebuds while ye may! Party like it's 1999! The Summer of  Wonder is still with us, and the Isle is full of noises! Let's face the music and dance! Say I'm mad, but also add - Jenny kissed me! The night is young, the moon is mellow, and there's music in my ears! I am the walrus! Who's David?.......

The Archdruid is wheeled away until tomorrow, when the effects of eating her hat have worn off.

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