Thursday, 26 January 2012

The Earth Will Burn

Whate'er shall we do O Lord 
When Gabriel blows o'er sea and river 
Fen and desert mount and ford 
The earth will burn but we will quiver 

It was refreshing to spend an afternoon with the Ladies' Not-so-Bright-Hour of the local Quivering Brethren.
You see, most ecumenical activity with our more extreme friends - churches from the FIEC, or the Old and Crotchety Catholics - consists of them explaining why theirs is the only true faith, and if you don't follow them then you're doomed to "Hell, Hell I tell you! Be like us, and then you can be with us in heaven for every". Which, to be honest, mostly makes you think that maybe Hell ain't a bad place to be.

But not so the Quivering Brethren. For as you drink their foul tea, made with the dried sweepings of the second-picked leaves from the worst barn on the estate, they explain in great detail how you can be just like them in all respects - but you'll go to Hell anyway. I don't know - it just seems to take the pressure off, somehow.


  1. I love your description of Fair Trade Tea.

  2. Shudder, don't remind me; I'm still recovering from my last visit to fundieland. Three sermons, the last of which was 45 minutes long. Plenty of time for the realisation to dawn that the rack of hats inside the door was provided to cover my shamefully bare and unshaven head.

  3. If we'd known you'd been coming we’d done got the poor tea biscuit out....

  4. We be cherishin that biscuit for many a long year just waitin and a waitin fur a stranger we can offer it to as a sign of welcome.


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