Monday, 30 January 2012

EU Directive on Stable Doors

The Church Mouse has blogged again. Though it threatens to be a one-off.

However, with a small amount of inspiration from the Mouse, I've dug into a little-known piece of EU Regulation. The EU Directive on Stable Doors is as follows:

The stable door must always be shut. If the stable door is open, it should be shut as soon as possible. Preferably before the horse has bolted. Although after may be acceptable - and is certainly more likely.

Just because the French and German governments left the door open a few years ago, that is no excuse for other nations to leave the door unlocked. The French and Germans had to leave the door open, as otherwise how could the horse have had some exercise? That was a limited, understandable opening of the stable door. The horse had a bit of a canter, sure - but by no means did it bolt.

The limited and responsible opening of the stable door that the French and Germans carried out is not to be copied by other, less irresponsible countries opening the door (or leaving it open) whenever they feel like it. The Greeks seem to have cut the door up and used it for a beach barbecue. While the Italians have blown the bloody doors off.

Should the horse have bolted, shut the door as soon as possible. And then blame the British - even though they refused to look after the horse in the first place.

If you keep forgetting to shut the stable door, Germany will send someone round to lock the door for you.

If you're very careful and shut the stable door, albeit on an empty stable, the IMF may lend you another horse. You need to keep this one in the stable. Lock the door this time. After you've put the horse in it. 


  1. Given the current travails of the CofE regarding women in pointy hats, I suppose now would not be the time to recall Dr. Johnson’s response upon Boswell relating that he had heard a woman preach at a Quaker meeting:

    “Sir, a woman’s preaching is like a dog’s walking on his hinder legs. It is never done well; but you are surprised to find it done at all.”

    Right, that horse has already left the barn…

  2. Can't see any problem with a woman in a pointy hat.


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