Tuesday 22 March 2011

The Doily Mail

I'd like to thank Hnaef for the attached photograph of an article from the Daily Mail. I'd also like to thank the unfortunate fellow train-traveller he awoke in order to take it. Hnaef's got a keen business brain, and will cheerfully wake people up on trains in the interests of a sale.
I normally avoid the Daily Mail. Being in a state of robust health, the constant supply of health scares could only make me worse rather than better. And living in a large house in the commuter belt with no mortgage, I'm not very interested in house price scares. Admittedly stories about swathes of low-priced  immigrant labour coming into the country can cheer me up, but then I have all these "volunteers" already.

Still, the Mail story would explain why Mrs Whimsey's Doily Company are climbing healthily out of recession. As a result of the story, indeed, we've really racked up  the pressure on the doily mines. Output of doilies is at a six-year high. The only problem is what to do with all the doily dust and chads that are coming out of the "pressing and bashing" process. For the interim, we've stuck them in the little magnesium-roofed shed by the Moot House. The one Hnaef has been storing his water purification chemicals near. We'll have to get that cleared out at some point.

Although I have one doubt about the Mail's story. Is it "This week doilies, next week the world?" Imagine the next headlines in this series:
"Could Doily Dust cause a rise in Lung Disease?"
"Illegal Foreign Doilies set to Sweep the UK"
"Using paper doilies can Lower your House Prices"

We'd better get them made and sold quick, before Richard Littlejohn backs the Good Old British Doily against those nasty foreign ones. Or Dr Evan Davies of the Liberal Democrats, in the interests of equality, declares our (white) doilies to be imperialist, unfairly round, slightly homophobic and a health risk. Although that, at least, would get the Mail back on our side.


  1. Doilies may have originated in 17th Century London as far as the records go, but they were obviously brought here by an illegal immigrant, a M d'Oily. You'd better send them back to the damned Frogs quick, before the man from the Daily Mail starts his screeching.

  2. French? The doily? An outrageous accusation. I will not cease from mental strife until we have built a massive, satanic doily mill in England's Green and Pleasant Land.


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