Tuesday, 7 December 2010

The great Tuition Fees Conundrum

Young Keith has a real dilemma.

You may remember that, back in May, he managed to pull off the unlikely achievement of becoming Minister for Unnecessary Spending despite being a member of neither of the coalition parties. He now has a terrible dilemma. If he just goes and votes for the Tuition Fees bill, the Tories will assume he can't be a proper Lib Dem. Whereas if he agonizes over it before abstaining or voting against, the Lib Dems will know he's not really a Tory. Since he is dependent on both sides thinking he is a member of the other party, his cover will be blown and he will have to resign. And I don't like that since I'm currently making a fortune renting out the Lilac Room to him as a second home.

In the event there was nothing for it but to feign injury. And when I say "feign", I do of course mean "suffer". I encouraged Young Keith to join Drayton in attempting some tight-rope walking, and after an unfortunate landing on the back of a pew, Young Keith isn't going to be marching through any lobbies any time soon. Still, that three weeks of bed rest will give him the chance to catch up on expenses. It's an ill wind.

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